Matters of Life and Death
by lilarin
Summary: 1. Foolish–He was a prim and often too blunt cop, and no one lasted too long at his side. Until the day he was paired up with this foolish blue haired idiot. [AU–Friendship/Collection of 3 OS]


**Disclaimer****: **Bleach and its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I am not making money with this story. It is only for fun and to improve my English, hopefully :-)

**Beta: OveractiveImagination39 **(This time she only did one go. Normally she does a second after I did the final edit. so if there are more errors than usual, I apologize)

* * *

**Foolish**

"Jeagerjaquesz, Grimmjow", said the man with the absurd hair dyed in vibrant blue, while he rolled a lollipop around in his mouth.

Ulquiorra ignored the man´s outstretched hand. Instead he shoved his own into the pockets of his proper black pants. This fool would not even last as long as his last partner.

"Okay I get it. I won´t try to be friendly again. The captain already said that you have some crazy quirks and sometimes act rather strange according to the standards of us normal people. Yet she knows no other man who´s able to find a needle in a haystack with more precision than you."

**+o+o+**

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. Of course Jeagerjaquesz hadn´t anything better to do than to flirt with the first noticeable woman available, which was the auburn haired bartender behind the shiny counter of the latest IN-bar of their town. Though he had to admit, that this girl was a true beauty. Nothing of her attire seemed overdone or out of place in his eyes, not even her ample chest. The only thing that struck him wrong, was the fact that someone like her worked in such a shady establishment which only had women as employees to attract male patrons in particular.

Silently he watched the blue haired idiot loudly giving her some lame compliments while she skillfully prepared a cocktail for him. Ulquiorra long had given up reminding the ignorant man of all the things not allowed while on duty. Jeagerjaquesz never listened anyways, and always created foolish excuses as to why he broke the rules. The female bartender returned the compliments with a professional smile. An aura of pure innocence radiated from her and her smile was the most beautiful Ulquiorra ever had seen.

The music changed and grew louder again, calling everyone´s attention to the still dark stage. Then suddenly a bright spot-light revealed a curvy dancer wrapped around the pole. Her long unnatural turquoise locks covered her naked backside down to her bottom. Ulquiorra only gave her a brief glance but he noticed when he turned his gaze away from the stage that Jeagerjaquesz looked at the pole dancer with lust in his eyes. His mouth hung open and Ulquiorra wondered if the idiot would actually begin to drool.

With an annoyed sigh he took out the photo together with his police badge and placed both on the counter, "Miss, I am Detective Schiffer - Ulquiorra Schiffer, could you take a look. Have you ever seen this man?"

Why on earth he mentioned his first name to the auburn haired bartender, Ulquiorra had no idea.

**+o+o+**

"Damn Jeagerjaquesz, shut up," Ulquiorra rubbed his temples. They were on a stake out for almost four hours straight and this fool of a hormone driven ox couldn´t stop talking about the pole dancer and how flexible her body was, especially in bed. As cold and rainy as it was today, the inside of the car was clammy and moist. To make matters worse his neck was killing him since this morning. Even the warmth from the green woolen scarf did help this time to alleviate the pain. He once again tried to find some relief by massaging the backside of his neck

It had been bothering him ever since the day his car violently had rolled over during a chase. Yet that day he really had been lucky because he had survived the whole ordeal only with some bruises and a bad concussion. However, his long-term partner at that time had lost his life in the accident. All the other men Captain Shihouin had paired him up with, never could stand his blunt and sarcastic behavior very long and requested to be transferred soon after being assigned.

Jeagerjaquesz, though, still seemed completely unimpressed. Sometimes Ulquiorra even believed the idiot tried to challenge him, just to see if he would give up and surrender to his taunts, which he never would do. He was higher ranked, longer in service, and had a much better reputation than that fouled mouthed fool ever would be able to achieve. He never would endanger all this for anybody or anything. Never.

And only for a split second had Ulquiorra thought about throwing all his caution to the wind and truly killing the man sitting in the passenger´s seat next to him. One result of his neck issue was an extremely strong headache, and the man´s constant talking only made it worse. Taking the painkillers the doctor had prescribed him was no option at all because they made him so dizzy that he wasn´t fit for duty anymore.

"Jeagerjaquesz - Could you – just – shut up," Ulquiorra hissed again, fighting the increasing nausea which had set in some time ago. He was so bugged today. Again he rubbed his temples and to his surprise there was silence. However not for long, then he heard the clicking of the camera.

Ulquiorra´s head shot up and his world spun around while his stomach clenched in sickness.

"Finally got them," the blue-haired man burst out, taking more pictures before their targets vanished into a brand-new black Mercedes Benz and drove away.

As soon as the Mercedes was out of sight Ulquiorra opened the door, jumped out, and vomited behind their car. Damn this was worse than it had been for a long time. When he came up, a hand grabbed his arm.

"Wow, Schiffer steady. I hope it´s not my new aftershave that caused that. "

Ulquiorra shook his head, immediately regretting it. With a moan he touched his aching neck.

"Still having trouble with this?" Jeagerjaquesz asked in a low voice still making sure he wouldn´t lose his balance.

"How did you know?"

"This chick we have as Captain informed me and told me to pamper you if necessary," white canines grinned at him.

"Let me go, I am fine. I can handle it."

"Bite me, Schiffer you are paler than a fucking corpse, even compared to your own standards. I bet you will go down as soon as I let you go," and then to proof of this statement his arm was released, and Ulquiorra needed to place a hand on the car´s rear because Jeagerjaquesz was damn right. His knees threatened to buckle under him.

"Okay come on. Let´s get you home. Afterwards I´ll take the photos to the department."

Ulquiorra had no energy left to disagree. So he allowed his so called partner to help him in the passenger´s seat and drive him home.

His rather small apartment was located in one of the better parts of their town; calm, clean and too expensive for his salary, but Ulquiorra never regretted paying for this luxury. Here he found the solitude and silence he needed to get his head clear and recharge his patience for his loud and hectic job.

Jeagerjaquesz had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in, guiding him to the sofa. Ulquiorra´s eyes had become so sensitive that the bright light in the hallway felt like piercing daggers and he kept them shut tight most of the time.

"Bathroom cabinet, top shelf," he managed to say between gritted teeth after he had sat down. Astonishingly without a further question his partner went straight to the room and returned with the requested bottle and a glass of water. Without hesitation Ulquiorra took two of the large blue pills not even thinking about the consequences. He buried his face in his hands shielding his eyes from every light even if it was only the little that fell from the open bathroom door into the living room.

The pills worked fast. The moment the pain became more bearable he realized that Jeagerjaquesz was talking to the captain on the phone. However, in the same moment the dizziness also set in and Ulquiorra knew he soon would be knocked out. He lay down, because staying upright any longer would be foolish.

"The captain strictly advised you to stay home tomorrow. I will do the paperwork."

Ulquiorra looked up to his partner, "Good by Jeagerjaquesz," he said.

"Jeez, what about calling me Grimmjow, now after I tucked you in."

Ulquiorra blinked, his eyes heavy as the rest of his body, "Good by Grimmjow," he said sleepily ignoring the man´s answer.

"Good night Ulquiorra."

**+o+o+**

Ulquiorra stared in his coffee. He had left the department early today after he had sent her a text message, announcing that he canceled their date later and that he wouldn´t be available for another meeting. Then he had taken his coat and had turned his cell off.

This morning he had realized that this had gotten too far; too deep for his liking. It already hurt too much right now to let her go and Ulquiorra knew that it could only get worse.

Someone took the place next to him, "Babe, a coffee and a club sandwich for me would be nice. And bring Snow-white here also another coffee and a ham and cheese sandwich without onions and sauce."

He sighed. Sure Grimmjow would come after him. The fool just couldn´t keep out of other people's business, especially not the private ones.

"You know, Nel and me are thinking about moving in together. Would save us a lot of money we could spend on much nicer things."

He sighed again. Unimpressed Grimmjow continued talking, while Ulquiorra nibbled at his ham and cheese sandwich without any appetite and listened to the other man´s ramblings about his girlfriend, the turquoise haired pole dancer, until the street lights went on.

They sat at the counter and people kept rushing in and out the dinner. The waitress refilled their mugs in regular intervals. Ulquiorra knew he should go home, but he couldn´t bring himself to cut Grimmjow off. For once the silence of his apartment did not seem as appealing to him as it usually would.

Grimmjow paused and rummaged in his pocket of his heavy leather jacket. Then he took a sip from his coffee before he addressed the waitress, "Babe, a piece of the cheesecake, please."

Ulquiorra lifted an eyebrow. He had no idea how Grimmjow could eat all the time and all the time the unhealthiest stuff he knew. Hadn´t this idiot heard about cholesterol and that too much salt could cause deadly illnesses.

The cake kept his partner silent for about a minute. Ulquiorra stared in his coffee again, his heart heavy and badly aching. Thinking of her had brightened his life. The weird yet funny text messages she had sent him almost twice a day always had forced a tiny smirk on his usual stoic face. Each one of their phone calls and of course their meetings had been special. Being with her felt like home.

So far they had dated only four times but he already knew he never would be able to give her what she dreamed of. He was too cold, took his job too seriously, and she soon would be frustrated by the little time that he would have left for her. He had seen far too often couples split up over this very reason.

"So you dumped the auburn haired beauty," Grimmjow lifted his fork and pointed with a piece of cheesecake at him.

Ulquiorra nodded.

"Didn´t know you were such a chicken. Even a blind man can see that this little girlie made you happy."

"Her name is Orihime."

"Yeah. Who cares? You just pushed her out of your life dumbass. A girl like her will have another sugar daddy soon."

Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow by the collar, "Shut up! You are not allowed to talk about her in such a manner!"

Bright blue eyes stared mockingly at him and a wide grin of success sprawled over his partner´s face. "See I am right. You love her. Come on admit it. "

Ulquiorra´s hand returned to his mug and after a silent moment he finally nodded. Grimmjow continued eating.

"It will not work," he elaborated, "In the long run she will not be satisfied with the time I am able to give her. You know how demanding our job is and how dangerous. I am not you; my work always will have the highest priority. A serious relationship... "

"Bullshit. You are afraid of getting hurt. That´s all. You'll never know until you try." Grimmjow grabbed his shoulder, "Ulquiorra, believe me, I have seen a lot of women and this one really is special. To let her go would be foolish. You will regret it your whole life if you do not give it a try."

His partner looked at him more serious than Ulquiorra ever had seen him. After a moment his shoulder was squeezed again, and then Grimmjow turned around and finished his cake.

Ulquiorra thought, sighed and thought again, "I guess I should call her and apologize," he said at which Grimmjow nudged him in the side, grinned and made a sign with his head for Ulquiorra to turn around .

He did. Outside in front of the dinner´s large window Orihime stood next to Nelliel who had placed an arm around the smaller woman´s shoulder. She gazed at him, one hand anxiously raised to her mouth and her cheeks reddened from the cold air.

"I sent a text message before I ordered the cheesecake. I can type blindly in case you were wondering," Grimmjow explained, pushing him from the booth.

Ulquiorra went to meet Orihime, passing a smiling Nelliel in the doorway. With one ear he heard Grimmjow place another order, "Four more cheesecakes, a latte and a hot chocolate with a lot of crème for the frozen beauty outside. Put everything on Snow-White´s bill."

When he took his auburn haired princess into his arms, Ulquiorra´s heart was filled with warmth and thankfulness for Grimmjow being such a stubborn fool sometimes.

**+o+o+**

"You pay, I'll check on the kids outside. Doesn´t look like a fair fight at all to me."

Ulquiorra sighed and took out his wallet. They had looked forward to this free Friday afternoon for months now. They both already had plans for what to do with their girlfriends, and Grimmjow was going to get them into trouble again.

He waited for the waitress but she was too busy and didn´t notice his wave. The shouting from outside increased and with an uneasy feeling in his gut Ulquiorra turned around. The five youngsters suddenly seemed have found another target, which was nobody else but his blue haired fool of a partner. They even had teamed up and Grimmjow was having a hard time standing his ground.

"Nelliel will kill me, if I let him end up in hospital," he mumbled to himself, throwing a bill on the counter. Then he rushed out.

Ulquiorra held up his police badge, one hand on his holster ready to pull out his weapon if necessary, "Stop at once. You are beating up a police officer…, " he was unable to finish his sentence because one of the teenagers had swirled around and before he could react had thrown a knife at him.

For some seconds Ulquiorra just stood there. He tried to breath, cursing to have acted so rashly, but no air seemed to fill his lungs. Falling to his knees, his hands moved to the base of his throat were the knife had hit him. He couldn´t breathe. His heart raced and panic washed over him. Ulquiorra tried to pull the knife out, but Grimmjow suddenly stopped him, "Look at me. If you pull that damn thing out you might cause more damage and bleed to death in seconds."

Ulquiorra fought against the other´s tight grip for a moment longer, but then he released the knife and instead fought the panic. Grimmjow helped him to lie on his back and made sure he didn´t move his head too much. The blue haired man talked all the time, telling him to stay calm and take it easy.

Grimmjow talked until the ambulance arrived and the medics placed him on a stretcher. The last thing Ulquiorra saw and heard before the drugs knocked him out was his partner´s vibrant blue hair and his brusque voice taunting him.

Of course, Grimmjow also was there when Ulquiorra woke up. "Welcome back Snow White. " His partner grinned encouragingly and gave Ulquiorra's shoulder a soft pat before he stepped back, revealing a worn out and disheveled Orihime, one arm wrapped around herself and the other hand holding tightly on the one Nelliel had placed on the smaller woman´s shoulder.

Ulquiorra stretched out a hand toward his auburn haired princess. Immediately she rushed at his side, more tears streaming out of her already puffy red eyes, but her smile ensured him that these were only tears of relief.

When she buried her face carefully into his chest, he gazed over to Grimmjow who had placed an arm around Nell´s waist and signaled to him that they would go now and he would call later.

**+o+o+**

"I´ll go," Ulquiorra got up, tucked the covers back around Orihime. Rubbing his eyes he stumbled through the living room towards the entrance. On the way he glanced at the clock on the stereo – 3am - and let out a heavy sigh. There only was one person who would come knocking on their door at such an ungodly hour.

"What did you do this time Grimmjow," Ulquiorra said with a yawn when he closed the door behind his friend.

"Wasn´t my fault at all. Rangiku only wanted to know if Nel´s breasts were bigger than hers," Grimmjow grinned innocently and shrugged.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes, walked over to a cupboard, and pulled a cushion and a blanket out.

"Yeah, well and then Nel just came into the changing room when I measured up...," Grimmjow lifted his hands and weighted them in front of his chest.

"How foolish of you," Ulquiorra shook his head in disbelief and threw the cushion over to Grimmjow who caught it.

"I guess the main problem was that I said I couldn't tell and would have to look at Nel´s again, but right now, Rangiku´s seemed bigger," Grimmjow placed the cushion on the sofa, next to the blanket Ulquiorra had dropped there and took off his leather jacket. "Nel hit me and said I should go to Hell and rot there. Now, I don´t know if she´s angry because I touched Rangiku or because I said the redhead's breasts are bigger," Grimmjow sheepishly scratched his head.

"You shouldn´t have done neither. Your toothbrush still is in the bathroom cabinet. Try to be silent. Orihime is dealing with an upset stomach in the last few days. She needs her sleep," Ulquiorra said and went back into the bedroom.

When he slipped back under the covers, embraced Orihime from behind and snuggled against her, she mumbled, "I texted Nel that he´s staying with us and that you will talk some sense into Grimmjow´s foolish head tomorrow."

Ulquiorra sigh again and closed his eyes.

**+o+o+**

"Okay, Schiffer – So you are having his back," Captain Shihouin said. She gave Ulquiorra another thoughtful stare, "You know that I have to report this incident nevertheless and consequently this will be the first bad mark in your otherwise flawless file. This could cost you your promotion as well."

Ulquiorra only nodded.

She stood, opened her desk´s top drawer and took out a badge and a Glock 45 automatic. Both items were placed before him.

Ulquiorra also rose and reached out to pick up the used looking gun. Before he could collect the badge, Captain Shihouin pointed at the ring on his finger, "When did this happen? And no party at all for us? Now I am really disappointed," she smirked teasingly.

Ulquiorra gave no answer.

Her face grew serious once again, "Never mind, I know that you avoid mixing job and private things. Most of the time."

Ulquiorra only looked into her still teasing eyes.

After a short moment, she averted her gaze and started to browse over some papers with her finger.

Knowing that he was dismissed, Ulquiorra turned around and walked to the door. His hand touched the knob when the Captain asked, "By the way Schiffer, how long has Jeagerjaquesz put up with you now?"

"Five – nearly six years," Ulquiorra answered with a sigh and opened the door.

"Wow, I am impressed. That even exceeded Kuchiki´s time before the awful accident."

Again he gave no answer.

Outside Ulquiorra planted himself before Grimmjow. The man didn´t look up, just continued sitting hunched over on the chair next to the door of Captain Shihouin´s office, gazing down on the floor and his clasped hands between his legs.

Ulquiorra simply held the badge and the gun directly under his partner´s and friend´s nose. Seconds passed before Grimmjow took both from his hands and looked up, a wide grin on the face.

"Fucking hell, Ulquiorra you really did it," Grimmjow jumped up and stuffed the items back in their respective places at his belt. Then he pulled Ulquiorra in a bear hug, pressing all the air from his lungs.

"At least I don´t need to look for another job. Do you know how hard it is to find one where you get extra payment for the burial service in case you die on duty."

Ulquiorra pulled back and frowned, "Grimmjow, stop being foolish, that isn´t funny at all."

"Ah come on brother, you are with me now and no longer with this Captain-chick. Stop being so uptight. You know how bad Nel and I are on saving money and I do not want to have you have to step in just in case. You soon will have to spend a lot of money. Yeah, a hell lot of money..." a wink followed and blue eyes sparkled tauntingly at Ulquiorra before Grimmjow hit him on the back making him stumble forward.

**+o+o+**

Ulquiorra ran at full speed after the fugitive into a long shady backyard. He heard the man yell something and hitting wildly with his weapon on a metal trash container at the far end. Behind him Grimmjow's fast footsteps appeared.

The fugitive turned around and aimed at him, his hands shaking. Ulquiorra stopped, but kept his own gun down at his side, knowing that this man never would have the courage to fire.

"Police, lower your weapon immediately otherwise you will be shot. You will not get another warning!" he shouted and slowly lifted his gun. Suddenly out of nowhere another weapon was fired.

On instinct Ulquiorra shifted. The bullet scuffed his left ear. Yet before he was able to scan for the source, the sound of another shot penetrated the air. In the same moment two things happened simultaneously: Ulquiorra spotted the shooter, who stood in an open door behind the container and he forcefully was pushed to the side

While falling, he aimed at the man, and before he hit the ground pulled the trigger. His bullet hit the sniper right between the eyes.

As fast as he had gone down Ulquiorra was back on his feet and rushed forwards, weapon in front. The fugitive already had dropped his gun and stretched both hands high up in the air, "It wasn´t me, Bob did all the shooting... it wasn´t me. Please. I didn´t shot him...," the man stammered, cold sweat running down the side of his face, reflecting the dim light coming from the open door behind them.

Ulquiorra kicked the gun on the ground farther away and tied the man with handcuffs to the container. Angrily he turned around, "Grimmjow you idiot...," the words died in his throat.

Running back over to his friend, he holstered his weapon and flipped his cell open, "Schiffer here. I need an ambulance. Fast! Detective Jeagerjaquesz was shot"

Ulquiorra kneeled next to Grimmjow. The boisterous man´s eyes were closed tightly and he pressed both hands on the middle of his chest. "Grimmjow, can you hear me?" he touched his friend´s neck and relieved noticed a faint throbbing against his fingers.

Next he carefully pushed the sides of the man´s leather jacket away to get a better look at the wound. Lips set in a thin line seeing how much blood already had soaked the white shirt.

Blue eyes opened and looked disoriented around. Ulquiorra placed a hand upon Grimmjow's.

"Got him?"

"Yes. You shouldn´t have done this. It was foolish," Ulquiorra said grabbing his friend´s hands tighter. They felt cold.

Grimmjow grinned and coughed, 'Yeah … know but couldn´t let you ...," he coughed again this time blood and closed his eyes.

"Stop speaking. The ambulance will be here soon. They'll patch you up for sure," Ulquiorra pressed his hands on the wound after Grimmjow´s own hands had fallen down, but the blood kept running.

In the distance the sound of the ambulance rang through the cold night´s air. "They are nearly here. Do you hear me Grimmjow? You will stay with me. Is that clear!"

Blue eyes opened again, "I have a surprise for you. Nel told me...," Grimmjow grinned wide, his teeth covered with blood, "Your princess has a bun in the oven. You´re going to be a daddy soon."

The ambulance stopped a pace away. Ulquiorra´s heart pounded painfully in his chest. Fear and joy battling within him, "What!"

"Yeah. Now tell me again …," Grimmjow struggled with his breathing, "... who´s foolish," his head fell limp to one side.

"Sir, you need to let him go," a medic requested and Ulquiorra automatically moved up and out of the way.

In silence he watched as they placed Grimmjow on a stretcher.

In silence he observed all their attempts at resuscitation.

In silence Ulquiorra watched the medics pulling a white blanket up until his partner´s vibrant blue hair was covered.

In his mind he still could hear Grimmjow´s loud and brusque voice making fun of him. How often had he asked him to shut up and stay silent? In this moment Ulquiorra wished he never had. He already knew right now how much he truly would miss that man and how much he would hate this silence.

**END.**

**Author´s Note:  
**The concept for this Oneshot and the other two parts of the collection swirled around in my head already for some time.

I really would like to know your thoughts on this piece.

If you do not know what to say or normally do not like to write a review, here is some help, for leaving a fast, one letter review:

a. Loved this chapter.

b. Cried at the end

c. It was well written, but don´t like how it turned out.

d. Don't know what to say, but thanks for writing.

e. Did not like it at all.

_(Credits to Sariniste for this idea, which I borrowed from her)_


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